Home is...

...Where the heart is :)

Can't You Hear Me...?

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S.O.S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S.O.S.
The love you gave me nothing else can save me
S.O.S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

<3

I Must Admit...

I am sick. I need to rebuild. Ignorance pushed my head to the depths of trouble and did a great job keeping it there.

I am the living proof of what would become of a man who succumbs to fear, to inferiority complex and to his own immaturity.

And a heart I broke... How stupid was I and how could this have happened? I don't know but I'm gonna find out.

For the first time ever I'm going to see a psychiatrist in my life. I'm not experienced in this field but this is the field that kept me inexperienced throughout my whole life. So if I am to be a healthy person, I've got to conquer that very field first.

Long story short, I have a wasted life in one hand and a heart I've broken to pieces in the other, I'm going to bring those hands together, I'm going to heal as I'm going to cure, memories will always be there but not as back-lashing monsters or skeletons in a closet but as the novelties of a war long fought and eventually lost.

Now it's a new dawn and the night was darkest just before. I'm going to let the sun in and kick the fear, the lies and all that's swept under the carpet out, cause I'm worth it, cause she's worth it.

Like all the good stories this is about a girl and the boy who needs to rebuild himself from the debris that he is so that he can deserve what he has lost.

I failed to stand up for myself, now I'm willing to stand up tall for two.

I have faith so I will prevail.

Rain, Sun & Audio

1st of September was a rainy greeting, hopefully washed all the burden and pain of the past summer, ahead shines a cloud dimmed sun rays of hope are nice to view behind the shades.

Today was rather sunny, and a good album just arrived.

Stone Sour's brand new effort, Audio Secrecy is their third LP, has the SS essence yet with brand new rock, grunge and bluesy twists that'll surprise you, let you sink deeper with the melodies and cherish every song.

You Know the Way Out!

Yeah dear August, this is ur last day on the calendar, please leave when ur time's up.
U won't be missed.

Go Somewhere Else For a Feel Good Song

This one is a Feel Transparent Song

Alone by Ben Harper

How to Write a Single Like Linkin Park's The Catalyst

Put an 8 track recorder in the same bed with David Guetta, U2 and Depeche Mode. U'll have ur own single ready by the morning.

Don't Hate the Thorn

And do not hate the rose as well.
If you only see the scarlet blossom when you look at a rose then it's your own blindness you should be sorry about.

I'm listening to Pearl Jam's Ten...
How young it stays after so many years and how tall and of course how strong.
Salute the good music, salute the wine, salute the thorn my friend and salute the vine, thus comes the wine.

More than a Word

If everyone around you cares and worries about you and you still act like a sno(b)itch, when all else fails and words are at loss for meaning... All there is left is the one that's the most sincere and to the point;

FUCK YOU.

Aerosaturday!

If I'm listening to Aerosmith u better know one thing for sure :)

I'm in the mood baby :)

Aerosmith - Girls of Summer!

U know some are all about it and some girls are born to make u cry :)

Should I Pick it Up?

Hey honey this is decadence calling, I know u can't pick it up right now, get back to me if u ever find the chance, if u don't have a serious heart condition and if u're willing to learn how the ground tastes like, cause u know once the call comes BOTTOMS UP all the way u're going is DOWN ;)

Vanity Unfair

One of those days, again.

Usual boredom and staying within the boundaries of catatonic safe zone. Is this a state? Is it temporary or is it permanent? Boredom to whoredom is not just a cheap trick of rhyme masonry. Jumping from one idea to another constantly may not be the best explanation of mental whoredom, it's way more serious yet so vain so I don't really know if it's worth mentioning at all.

Tangle all the irrelevant ideas in your head with the ones that matter the most and do nothing about them then you're one step closer to mental whoredom. This basicly is what I'm struggling with right now.

It is.

It really is.

Is this gonna pass? Somehow?

The answer is yet to come and slap me in the face, lick me and kick me in the teeth. I'll see what's gonna happen, I'll keep u posted.

Religion is Spiritual Bukkake

Since it's that time of the year, tube's filled with bullshit broadcasts.
Out of pure curiosity I've been watching this gibberish parade.
My goodness...
There's no freakin' explanation for this mass stupidity...
Yet...

Millions...

Billions...

Such pity...

Call it faith.

Will make it much easier to cope with this "thing"...

In a Minute or Two

My brain's gonna fucking explode. I know, I just know!

Global Freezing at its Best

It was around 8:30 am today. Did not know what to wear and ended up with one of my trademark ridiculous combinations. A hot sunny morning it was. Took a step and another and one more and... The moment I realised I was actually taking steps backwards was the moment I had to make up my mind. Couldn't go there since May and would today provide any exception? I had to turn the volume up, Angie by the Stones was an obvious choice.

There I was. Standing. On my way there checked the temperature on my Iphone, it showed 34 degrees and as I was standing there all I could feel was frostbite. Could only stand there for 10 minutes and...

I remember the day I went into that hole, the moment they handed her to me and how I put her to rest with my own hands. Now I'm listening to Zeppelin's Babe I'm Gonna Leave You, pretty obvious choice.

Bye, for now.

Happy Birthday to U

Did I buy her any presents?

Must have, I assume...

No, I actually remember a few of 'em...
Blurry.

But nothing too expensive, bought her flowers twice... That I remember pretty well.

What good is a hand if it can't find the chance to wave goodbye?
What good is a heart if it's too occupied with all the bullshit that it can't realise how strongly it feels love?
What good are one's eyes if they can't see the true colors?
What good are colours if they all fade out?
What good are tears when shed in vain?
What good is life when you don't feel alive?
What good is it to breathe when all that you exhale is the sorrow that eats you alive?

These questions... They have no end to them.
They'll just keep coming and there's nothing one can do to prevent...
At least nothing I can do.

How sorry one feels for not loving enough is far more tragic than the damage one can cause to that same special someone. People are born with the potential, the capacity of endurance. Life keeps kicking you in the teeth, in the balls, in the heart yet you still survive, for the next day, for the next disappointment, for the next kick.

As long as you breathe, there's love in you, love that you can spend on anything of your own choice, the light in your eyes never go dim thanks to the love, never dim it is.

Heartbreaks...
Pretty casual...

Wish things go another way...

Wish wish wish... Make a wish, make two, make a thousand...

I remember the very first time I heard my heart cracking. Not very long ago it happened, maybe that's why the memory is still crystal clear in my head. Been 27 years since I was born and for 27 years I've been a hearing impaired man.

When the first sound that your ears hear is the cracking of your own heart then you don't cry out in joy for getting your sense back. You want to tear your ears off, pierce your eardrums with hot iron yet you never find the guts to do so, you simply give in and keep listening to your heart as it bursts out into pieces and yourself burst into tears.

And that is a love lost there, right there.

A love lost is a heart dead.

You turn a deaf ear then... To everyone.
You turn a blind eye... To all that's happening around you.

Suddenly all reality fails, crystal goes blurry.

Then comes a time that you realise that you could not love that certain someone enough, it's such a core feeling that you realise you couldn't really love anyone, enough... You realise how lonely, how stupid and how crippled you are.

You thought not hearing was the problem? Or not having hawk eyes?

It is such a waste of a life when your heart is crippled.

Then and only then you can realise what you've been doing wrong all through your lifetime, such a wasted life you've led and how empty handed you've been left, and yet there's no one left to wave that empty hand goodbye after.





In a matter of minutes it's going to be the 17th of August, if she were here my mom would be 51, happy birthday mom, rest in peace, wherever you are.

Last is First

Gave this blogging thing a few shots in the past, no bullseyes scored - not that I know of - so this is probably one of the brand new attempts that's gonna survive for a post or two, I don't know, can't make any promises, commitment issues I guess -blogs do not provide an exception of course- so here it is.

Why did I pick this name?

Hmmm... Actually that's what I'm gonna be blogging about - big coincidence eh...!!?!?! - but not just about relationships, hate loves to spread and love's not an exception as well so whatever pokes me in the heart or in the balls will make it here eventually, you know, until I'm fed up with this blog thing. So is this gonna be a very long term relationship? I have doubts.

We'll see, see u then, enjoy the buffet, try not to choke on the oysters, you've been warned, they're highly addictive!