Happy Birthday to U

Did I buy her any presents?

Must have, I assume...

No, I actually remember a few of 'em...
Blurry.

But nothing too expensive, bought her flowers twice... That I remember pretty well.

What good is a hand if it can't find the chance to wave goodbye?
What good is a heart if it's too occupied with all the bullshit that it can't realise how strongly it feels love?
What good are one's eyes if they can't see the true colors?
What good are colours if they all fade out?
What good are tears when shed in vain?
What good is life when you don't feel alive?
What good is it to breathe when all that you exhale is the sorrow that eats you alive?

These questions... They have no end to them.
They'll just keep coming and there's nothing one can do to prevent...
At least nothing I can do.

How sorry one feels for not loving enough is far more tragic than the damage one can cause to that same special someone. People are born with the potential, the capacity of endurance. Life keeps kicking you in the teeth, in the balls, in the heart yet you still survive, for the next day, for the next disappointment, for the next kick.

As long as you breathe, there's love in you, love that you can spend on anything of your own choice, the light in your eyes never go dim thanks to the love, never dim it is.

Heartbreaks...
Pretty casual...

Wish things go another way...

Wish wish wish... Make a wish, make two, make a thousand...

I remember the very first time I heard my heart cracking. Not very long ago it happened, maybe that's why the memory is still crystal clear in my head. Been 27 years since I was born and for 27 years I've been a hearing impaired man.

When the first sound that your ears hear is the cracking of your own heart then you don't cry out in joy for getting your sense back. You want to tear your ears off, pierce your eardrums with hot iron yet you never find the guts to do so, you simply give in and keep listening to your heart as it bursts out into pieces and yourself burst into tears.

And that is a love lost there, right there.

A love lost is a heart dead.

You turn a deaf ear then... To everyone.
You turn a blind eye... To all that's happening around you.

Suddenly all reality fails, crystal goes blurry.

Then comes a time that you realise that you could not love that certain someone enough, it's such a core feeling that you realise you couldn't really love anyone, enough... You realise how lonely, how stupid and how crippled you are.

You thought not hearing was the problem? Or not having hawk eyes?

It is such a waste of a life when your heart is crippled.

Then and only then you can realise what you've been doing wrong all through your lifetime, such a wasted life you've led and how empty handed you've been left, and yet there's no one left to wave that empty hand goodbye after.





In a matter of minutes it's going to be the 17th of August, if she were here my mom would be 51, happy birthday mom, rest in peace, wherever you are.